dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
