walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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