Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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