I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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