she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
