the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
