We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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