he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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