did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
