i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
