This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
