My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
