Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
