I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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