You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
