Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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