I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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