Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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