when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
