She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
