dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
