I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
