so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
