how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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