i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
third nipple confirmed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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