she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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