I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
