Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
