It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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