Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
