honey bunches of taint.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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