Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
