M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
