Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
