You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
