i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
