Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
