Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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