Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
