what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
