He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
