Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
