I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
