They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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