I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
