Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
