I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
