i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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