All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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