I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
